New Year

Yes, I know. It’s almost the end of January (and very likely will be by the time I finish and publish this post) and I am just getting around putting resolutions out there. I have always loved the idea of resolutions, changes, new year! but then I lose steam around, say, February or if I am really focused, March.

The last few years, I have tried to come up with ideas for making myself happier. This idea came from reading the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Her idea was that she was happy but could she be “happier”? I would consider myself if not happy, then at least content. I have a good life – good husband, good kids, we are in a good place. But could it be better? Happier? Of course. So what does that look like?

1. Be more healthy. I put on several pounds last year that I would love to take off. However, a goal of losing weight never works for me. (Maybe it’s the difference from being told what to do – I will lose weight – vs. I intentionally decide to be a healthier person) I instantly start feeling like the joy is being stripped from my life. “What, no coffee?” “No more bread?” The more I try to cut things, the more I want them. I then find myself eating a whole loaf of bread instead of one slice. So…I want to work out more and I want to eat in balance with smaller portions. These changes alone should lead to the shedding of the extra pounds without feeling deprived. And, it’s not a bad way to live. The exercise makes me happy and a better parent and wife. Win-win.
2. Be an offensive parent, not constantly on the defensive. I realized the other day that I am often parenting after the fact and more often than not, in anger. Not sure exactly what this looks like but I know the more prepared I am, the better the day goes. Activities planned, chore lists made and completed, errands run. It also involves more conscientious discipline, setting the rules and sticking to them. When my kids know the rules and the consequences to not following the rules and I enforce them, our house runs much more smoothly.
3. Remove clutter. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a clutter person. I can’t seem to keep on top of the clutter and I would rather veg out on the couch in the evening rather than do more work. It also overwhelms me. I go into the kids’ rooms with the intention of shoveling through and getting rid of stuff but I get paralyzed by the enormity of the project. I also have a hard time letting go (Stella loved this book. Finn’s been playing with this broken army jeep all week). Or guilt – we spent so much money on this toy or outfit or…I can’t just get rid of it! But I can and I should, I just don’t know where to start.
4. Live life more intentionally. I tend to live in the past with lots of I should haves. I heard Brendan Manning speak in college. The only thing I remember from his talk is this – “I will not should on myself”. I was probably scandalized that at a Christian college a well-known Christian speaker would use something so close to a swear word but it has stuck with all this time (I have also lightened up). Decisions made in the past can’t be unmade so why worry about them? Learn from them, yes. Change decisions going forward, yes. Lose sleep over them, no.

I think that is a pretty good place to start. I also thought about tackling them in 60 days increments. I am currently trying to work out 5 times a week for the next 60 days. I don’t think I have hit 5 times yet but I am WAY more intentional about what I eat and making sure that I get some sort of work out in most days. We’ll see how it works out but just writing them down makes them feel more real.

Names

I often panic wondering if we got separated could Finn tell someone his name and the name of his parents. I occasionally quiz him.

Me: Finn, what’s your mama’s name?
Finn: Heidi Moore
Me: What’s your daddy’s name?
Finn: Dave Moore
Me: What’s your sister’s name?
Finn: Stella Moore
Me: What’s your name?
Finn: Finnias Superhero

There you have it. I think he’ll do fine.

Closer to Fine

Stella had Thursday and Friday off school so early afternoon on Thursday we loaded up and headed to the cabin for the weekend. I love that place. Everything is grand and small at the same time. The great outdoors, grand. The cabin, distractions and access to the outside world, small. It’s perfect. We arrived in time to make dinner and get settled in. Dave and I have our own little routines when we get there. He needs to check for spiders, fire up his truck, build a fire, maybe shoot his gun. I, on the other hand, like to make a beeline for the river. Just standing on the edge watching it go by and maybe spotting a bald eagle or two makes my shoulders relax an inch or two and expel that breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. The kids, they have their routine too, whooping and yelling; checking out their toys and favorite sticks. Like I said, it’s perfect for us.

Friday we laid pretty low – took walks, hung out by the fire, played on the floor. Saturday we went hiking at Catherine Creek. It was a little blustery out and we had the place to ourselves. After some initial whining, the kids were off, climbing, exploring, jumping. It was great. I can’t wait to go back and explore more of the area.

You wouldn't know by looking, but she is contemplating the untimely demise of a giant slug.

I had Supper Club Saturday night back in town so I left in the early afternoon to head back. It was bittersweet. We were really having a great time and it was hard to leave Dave and the kids. But the draw of 24 hours all to myself, in my own home was too much for me to resist. I climbed in the car and headed out for an hour an a half drive all by myself. I had forgotten that I had no music on my phone and, unless you like bad country music, there were no radio options. So I headed out on radio silence. I often drive, when by myself, without the radio on. I like the silence of no voices, nothing to conflict with my thoughts. My life is loud and busy enough without adding the radio noise to it. However, this time my thoughts tended to lean towards the busy – need to buy 3 turkey basters for Finn’s school! must not forget Stella’s class is in the gym next week! Call this friend! Pay that bill! Don’t forget, don’t forget…! – I know I live an exciting life. So by the time I hit the city limits and radio coverage, the peace and calm of being at the cabin was quickly fleeing, my shoulders were creeping closer to my ears, and I was actually longing for my little driving distractions in the back seat! I turned on the radio and Indigo Girls “Closer to Fine” was playing. I loved this song in college so I cranked the volume and sang along (yes, I know, good thing for all that I was by myself). The lyrics started to take hold and for the first time in the last hour, I had a productive thought.

“The best thing you’ve ever done for me; is to help me take life less seriously, it’s only life afterall…There’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line; the less I seek my source for some definitive; the closer I am to fine.”

It is only life after all. And after all, it is my life. I am happier if I don’t take everything so seriously – even if it is my nature to do so. I don’t need to stress about turkey basters; they’ll get purchased. I often look for the one thing. One thing to make this problem go away, one thing to make my marriage better, one thing that will make me a better mom. Guess what? I’m not sure there is any one thing. When I stop looking for something definitive to point me in the right direction and if I take life less seriously, then at the point I can truly say I am closer to fine. Or maybe even better than fine.

And who wouldn't be fine with these two hanging around